A life full of Dreams

This day too will end…
These moments too will pass
This feeling too will fade…
Some lonely times may start.

I shall walk along the street
I shall know your not with me
And I shall still look for your shadows
Through smiles and agony.

When the winter winds come
I shall cling to shelter warm
And close my eyes and believe
Your arms hold me, you have come.

This is a just a dream
Who said dreams come true
But if we meet only in dreams
A life of dreams is all I want.

ARE YOU HIM?

Her fingers touched his feet. Something struck like a feeble waft of knowing. This acquainted stranger felt close and lost. Her bridal veils forbid their beholding. Who are you? Are you really him? I thought you were lost?
That night behind the closed fallen curtains which veiled their meeting she had asked the very same questions. The world disapproved this meeting. The temple Gods forbade every such strong emotion. But then, it was done. They had given away to a strongly irresistible weakness. What followed was strength, hope and a new surge they had never seen before.
As his eyes looked into hers she asked, “What makes a priest lost in the depths of priesthood kiss a woman’s feet and say- You complete my world!” He smiled surprised by her question and replied, “I don’t really know. I often wonder why you. But then it was meant to be. One look and letting your emotions flow is all it takes.”
They met. Away from the prying eyes of the world, away from the social dogmas that called them wrong, away from what some named infidelity…
He called her His sacred secret. What more can God gift me is what she thought that day. Every minute was a smiling moment. They were happy. Happy with the secret they lived with. Happy with the emotional and physical games destiny played. How simple can love get! And how beautiful can simplicity be!
But time and destiny have no forever friendship accounts. They betray. One unfair game and its all lost. To the very foundation. No trace of the dream that had come real for once.
She tried to look and intensified her gaze. A million questions ran through her mind. Guesses to of maybe or maybe not. A silent scream which reached no other ears.
But it reached a heart. The one that recognized that touch. The one that wanted to unveil her and see if his lost jewel was lost forever. One look and a lot of questions would be answered. He would let his heart out and tell her every bit. Of the times he had looked for her in the very ruins of that temple. In the wee hours of morning. And the pitch dark of midnight. That he had left only to come back. Only to give away something so that the rest could all be theirs.
He walked out. Two eyes followed him. He stood still for a moment. A tear escaped an eye somewhere to once again be trapped and lost. There it was over. What remained was a faint memory. Of love that was lost. Strings that were torn. And life that puzzles.
Yes some questions. But some questions better left unanswered. Some words better left unspoken. Some times better stay lost. Some people better left unfound… till the end of time.

MY OWN

Is this really me?
Walking alone on the bed of the sea.
My footsteps aren’t safe today,
What if the waves betray me?
But that’s what they are for, aren’t they?
I walk alone and I am their prey.
But then there was a time,
When I hunted the prey I called mine.
When I too was a wave ready to kill.
When I was awaiting my hunt for my fill.
But I refuse that fate for me,
I say no to all who say it’s meant to be.
There was a hand that had kept me safe,
It’s lost to time in that dark lonely cave.
Only if I had one ray of light.
I would find my moon lost in the pitch dark night.
But some other hand has picked my moon I hear,
What I called mine says I belong to another.
I still tread on the waves with a slight shiver
But I shall be fine now, for I have found a healer.
It’s someone I hide from prying eyes.
It’s a virgin that stays hidden in broad daylight.
Its only mine forever and ever.
It stays in me to leave me never.
My secret whispers for some fresh air,
Trapped in me it says a little prayer.
It says I shall carry you through the waves and storm
I shall bring back all the lost calm.
Why so little faith in me?
I am you, in the mirror you shall find me.
I look at you as you look at me,
I am for you are, singing our symphony.

MY PROVIDER THAT DAY

You don't know what it takes to get your smile back. I Hope it works." I smiled at her. She was Andrea, a resident of Australia working as a consultant in a firm. Good looking, qualified, well paid.Well, there was a setback.

A failed relationship which shatteredher soul into bits. In the last two years Andrea saw sorrow,depression, anxiety, suicidal attempts creeping into her life. She tried doctors, counselors, psychiatrists, but nothing helped. Until her neighbor advised her to visit a certain spiritual teacher inIndia.

This Miracle Baba according to her neighbor was the only onewho could restore peace back into her very shaky world. We were conversing on our way to India. She was heading to meet thespiritual teacher who blessed and made miracles happen while I washeading home. She then askedme, "India is, I hear a land of spiritual teachers who bless and help you smile. Whose your teacher? I see you very relaxed and composed.Tell me about him." I was about to answer when we were interrupted bysome flight announcements after which Andrea dozed off." I laid back and my mind creeped down the memory lane.

City-Mumbai, Time- 2.00 pm ,Venue- Parla subway.I was in therickshaw, disheartened with life and the problems I was facing. Notwilling to open much about the issue I can only summarize that I wassimply running away from reality. Didn't have enough guts to face itperhaps. Like Andrea I too had stopped smiling. Or had perhaps lost myhappiness somewhere. Then I witnessed a strange sight.

She was a beggar women asking for alms on the street .She wereknocking at windowpanes of the cars stopped at the signal and askingfor a few pennies. What distinguished her from others was that she was carrying her husband, who I observed was paralyzed at his lower body,on her back while begging. Even strange was the smile on her face. Icalled her and passed an apple lying uneaten in my bag. Her eyes sparkled at the sight of the apple .She thanked, blessed me and sharedthe apple with her husband. Since then everyday while getting back home I would look around thestreet for that beggarwomen with her gift-Mostly an apple or anythingedible.Shanta(She told me her name later) showed the same excitementat the sight of the apple.One day I happened to ask her "Shanta, lifemust be tough. How do you still manage to smile?" She silentlyreplied, "Madam,if not everything I have something.God is my provider. I know if he has brought me till here it is because he knowsI can handle this.And I have so many reasons to smile . A sound sleep,feeding my husband properly,seeing children on the street play,theapple you give me everyday…"

The green signal flashed and my taxi moved forward.I ponderd on theconversation I just had.I learnt a lesson that day.And something more too.

Till that moment I was happy that I was providing Shanta a good source of nutrition everyday. But that day, for once we switched roles. One simple talk and Shanta, a meager poor beggar woman wasproviding me lessons in patience, endurance, satisfaction, acceptance and finding happiness in the most trying forms of adversity. One meeting and she had become my teacher who gave me alms of knowledge. Iwas so unaware of. Shanta-My Guru, My Miracle Woman.

The Flight announcement transported me back to present. I looked at Andrea, still fast asleep. Happiness comes in so many forms. Andrea could have found it in some corner of her city too. It's just that she didn't keep her eyes open to the little things in life. Had she done that Andrea too I am sure would have found her teacher, her happiness,her spiritual guru back home somewhere. Only had she pondered and thought about the little things that bring smiles and overcome the bitterness of life. Only if…..

THE LEAF OF LOVE

She looked through the bars with her peering eyes. Long, unkempt hair, faded colour but a glint of sparkle in her eyes.
Everyday the bell rang at 11.30 am. Then, till 4.00 pm they were allowed outside. At 4.00 they retired to their rooms again till the next day. Her fragile brain had memorized this timetable now.
And even more their meeting everyday. Girls and boys had been put into different rooms. They could socialize only in that span of 4 ½ hours. There were so many around. But he was different. Or may be more like her. He always carried a fresh leaf as a token of love and a celebration of their meeting. Flowers were not available in that vicinity. But she loved it and everyday hugged him and shook hands in return. Then they sat on the swings and spoke about everything under the sun that was known to them. Like the fat matron's croaking voice, the obnoxious odour the bathrooms carried, the inedible food served. Everything was full of bliss and yet so playful in that short span of 4 ½ hours. But once the parting bell rang, the scene changed. An environment of innocence and cheer became tense and traumatic with the matrons pulling them away from each other. Once, she delivered a sharp bite, as her token of anger on the matron's palm.
He had been there for 2 years, while she for 1. In that stale routine, they were the only ray of light to each other. He loved those 3 days in the year when they were allowed to be together from early dawn to the wee hours in the evening. On these three days they were made to pray, sing & eat a sumptuous meal. But the most important and beautiful part was being in each other's company and giggle together. This was perfection. Or so she thought.
The only times she hated were when two unknown people came to meet her every month. They would look at her from a distance and try to converse. She never allowed them to come close. She hated strangers. But they would still come and cry. She was increasingly growing tired of them.
Then one day everything changed.
That morning she got up with a terrible pain at the back of her head. She felt dizzy and then all of a sudden she remembered it all. Everything flew back to memory. And then she knew who she was. Who they were. She remembered him, whom she belonged to. And at last she thought about that innocent, strange, yet her only sole support which, she had encountered in that mental asylum, where patients suffering from multiple neurotic disorder thrived.
A thousand scenes floated in front of her eyes. Her marriage, her career as a teacher, her mom and dad who came to see her every month she now realized, and finally her new acquaintance. The clock struck 11.30.The bars opened again. She studied the environment and the people. It seemed more like a kindergarten school, with the kids being a bit oversized. And then she saw him waiting at one corner.
He was approaching her. A leaf in his hand and a sparkle in his eye. Every thing the way it used to be. Only she had changed.
Now she had to decide. Life had once again placed its puzzle and she had to find a way out. Security on one hand and innocence on the other. On one side her husband who had not bothered to meet her once, throughout the year and on the other side a stranger, she could not help feeling drawn to.
He gave her the leaf. She wanted to smile, shake hands and hug him. But she knew it wasn't meant to be. Not because she was selfish. But because love was adverse and it had cheated her. Strange can be the ways of love.
She took the leaf and tore it off. He looked at her in disbelief. He yelled, fought and then finally cried aloud. She wept her tears silently.
The same evening her parents came to free her from that prison or maybe a place where she was leaving a precious part of her life; whose worth only two people had known so far. And no one would ever know now.
She was standing at the gate. From a distance she saw her husband, who had now come to take her and then she looked back .She wanted to promise herself and the love she had now come in terms with, that she would come back for a visit every month. But when one cannot trust the purity of a feeling, the knowing of a new affection; how to come in terms with a promise. And she left, alone.