REASONS OTHER THAN ME

Yesterday once again I wanted to be away from every hell. From never ending work pressures. From stupendous deadlines. From my voracious bosses. From everything I felt best when absent.
In short I just needed to find some peace…and feel a little luckier than the rest of my folks. Not that I wasn’t when we talk about sheer talent, but then with time I realise that you got to pay a price to be good at your work.
So I slowly slipped away from office in mid hours, got back home, changed and went to a nearby old age home. Reasons I cant explain. Probably the whole idea of being with people waiting to see someone new, making them happy, being the light of their gloomy life made me feel better. Even proud if that’s the word your looking for.
As I walk in the home a strange feeling of helplessness surrounds me. Its not the first time I am going there. Nor will this be the last time. But the feeling stays more or less the same.
I meet one and all. The sisters, the priest, ofcourse the old aunties who surprise you with a smile on their tales about how mean the next auntie is and sometimes shock you with a tear about a lot of other things.
Finally as I am about to leave I see an old uncle sitting at a sofa facing the garden. He reminds me of Pinnachio's maker. As in the same half bald head, watery eyes, half moon spectacles. He seems a little lost right now.
I go to him and speack for a brief ten minutes. He tells me that today's his son's birthday. He wants to wish him but cannot. He has forgived his son. Probably all he wants to do is hear his voice. But cannot for reasons he cant explain.
I try diverting his attention. We talk for some more time. I tell him about the latest ad I made, the new recipe I learnt, the candles I tried making, the salsa steps that I underperformed, even the blasts that have kept me scared.
He listens. Sighs.Smiles. Laughs. Looks worried. Finally Mission Accomplished is what I begin to feel. He looks happier.
As I say my Goodbye and promise to come again he stops me for a second and does something I remember with teary eyes everytime. He joins his hands and thanks me for talking to him. For giving him some of my time.
I am left speechless. I want to tell him a lot of things. But he leaves me with that unexplainable expression.
I still will go to the Old age home. But only this time- The Reasons will be not for myself.

A LAST GOODBYE

A LAST GOODBYE

He was a part of my unknown vision of the world outside my mom’s little womb. My storyteller. My guardian to school. My charitable friend who gave my Rs 5 everyday for the samosas in school. My carrier for a Band Stand sea view in those toddler days.

His grey hair…His moist eyes…his cricket fever…now that he’s gone…a lot of these small big things take me back to the days…when he was so much around.

He cried on so many occasions. I saw tears when I passed my tenth grade with distinction. I saw tears when I opened my eyes after a major accident that could take away my life. One element…Thousand Emotions.

He died a not so peaceful death. Cancer was eating his system at 80. I knew his pain. But couldn’t do much about it. He complained of pain equal to a thousand scorpion bites. I knew it must be bad. But I didn’t want to imagine.

One night he went off. I felt numb. Cold. Sad. Hurt. I cried but not the Indian conventional way. For the first few days…I couldn’t accept he wasn’t around anymore. And then…it was a crisis situation for everyone. And I decided- INEED TO BE STRONG!

Here I am today. Back to the suburban life of Bandra. Meeting my friends. Loving my people. Telling them about the latest addictions of Good Life. And suddenly I meet Sev Puri Chacha.
His rare quality- He gives me a free puri everytime we meet. He asks me- Aur Dadaji kaisa hai?
I give him the answer, he wouldn’t want to hear. He turns away his eyes, pauses a minute and tells me- Who Bahut acche the. Tumko bahut pyaar karte the. Kitna roye the jab tum hospital mein tha. Kitna khush huye jab tumko noukri mila.
He tells me a lot more that take me down the memory lane. So much…so much!

I am heading home now. My cell buzzes and its mom. “Hi Mom”
How long?
Half n hour possibly.
Come soon. Dad’s waiting for dinner.
Ok. Mom….
Yes
Dadu loved us so much…so much!

There’s a pause. And for the first time since that incident we both cry together.

Thanks Sevi Puri chacha. For unlocking these tears. They needed a release.

Bye Dadu…Miss you so much…so much!

TAKE MY HAND

TAKE MY HAND

How far will I walk with you…?
Maybe till there where the skyline ends.

How deep will I dive with you…?
Maybe till there where the sea bed rests.

How high will I climb with you…?
Maybe till there where the tallest star resides

How close will I get to you…?
Maybe till there where your heart reveals your unknown side.

A long journey has just begun…
Together how far…only time will reveal…
Take my hand in yours and smile as we walk till then…
Coz We got miles to go... before we sleep.

One Simple Question

As i walk up the stairs of Mahalaxmi Station I see her again. She challenges me everyday. Day aftr day. With tattered hair. Ragged clothes barely coverin her ageing torso.She looks into my eyes with one eye. The other has lost light anyways. And tat eye asks me

one simple question.

This is the 2nd time i see him. He's lost his companion. A companion tat helped him thru the waters of the Dal lake. Fed his little family of 3. He silently curses the storm tat challenged him last evening. Then he curses his hands tat lost grip of his companion's lifeline. Finally the lake waters tat ate up its oars.. Amidst the mean cold, at a nt so friendly hour and an even unfriendly day in tat beautiful city made ugly by the life tat it sheltered, he looks for a new companion he can carry his trade on, shell a few coins in return of taking people across the banks and his lifeless eyes peer into mine through the big screen in my hall and ask

the same simple question.

The wheels are moving and I hav a new friend. A friendship tat bloomed over 5 seconds, a filmi tune and a coin tat cant buy him a meal. I watch him countin all the pennies he collected. He's happy. Happiness worth a vada pav. A vada pav to kill his hunger pangs till the next morning. Happiness worth his breath through the night. He breaks into another tune on his rusted harmonium, dances, sings and as I see his happiness worth every tear, his eyes again spring

the same simple question.

The one eyed old beggar lady on the streets of Mahalaxmi Station...The little boy who toils for survival in the heart of Kashmir...The little singer tiring his torn vocal cords to fill his hungry cold belly...all tied by one common string...One Simple Question. A question tats bcom a part of their soul. Gues they never realise it. Bt do they realise they have a soul? A soul is non essential. Insignificant.Bt its ther. Always ther. And it asks tat simple question everytime- If your an Indian...Who am I? If this land is only winning...then wat ground do I thrive on?

Does anyone hav an answer? I don know abt you...Bt i simply and sadly... Dont!

All I have is a doubt about the true power......... Of a super power called India!

A life full of Dreams

This day too will end…
These moments too will pass
This feeling too will fade…
Some lonely times may start.

I shall walk along the street
I shall know your not with me
And I shall still look for your shadows
Through smiles and agony.

When the winter winds come
I shall cling to shelter warm
And close my eyes and believe
Your arms hold me, you have come.

This is a just a dream
Who said dreams come true
But if we meet only in dreams
A life of dreams is all I want.

ARE YOU HIM?

Her fingers touched his feet. Something struck like a feeble waft of knowing. This acquainted stranger felt close and lost. Her bridal veils forbid their beholding. Who are you? Are you really him? I thought you were lost?
That night behind the closed fallen curtains which veiled their meeting she had asked the very same questions. The world disapproved this meeting. The temple Gods forbade every such strong emotion. But then, it was done. They had given away to a strongly irresistible weakness. What followed was strength, hope and a new surge they had never seen before.
As his eyes looked into hers she asked, “What makes a priest lost in the depths of priesthood kiss a woman’s feet and say- You complete my world!” He smiled surprised by her question and replied, “I don’t really know. I often wonder why you. But then it was meant to be. One look and letting your emotions flow is all it takes.”
They met. Away from the prying eyes of the world, away from the social dogmas that called them wrong, away from what some named infidelity…
He called her His sacred secret. What more can God gift me is what she thought that day. Every minute was a smiling moment. They were happy. Happy with the secret they lived with. Happy with the emotional and physical games destiny played. How simple can love get! And how beautiful can simplicity be!
But time and destiny have no forever friendship accounts. They betray. One unfair game and its all lost. To the very foundation. No trace of the dream that had come real for once.
She tried to look and intensified her gaze. A million questions ran through her mind. Guesses to of maybe or maybe not. A silent scream which reached no other ears.
But it reached a heart. The one that recognized that touch. The one that wanted to unveil her and see if his lost jewel was lost forever. One look and a lot of questions would be answered. He would let his heart out and tell her every bit. Of the times he had looked for her in the very ruins of that temple. In the wee hours of morning. And the pitch dark of midnight. That he had left only to come back. Only to give away something so that the rest could all be theirs.
He walked out. Two eyes followed him. He stood still for a moment. A tear escaped an eye somewhere to once again be trapped and lost. There it was over. What remained was a faint memory. Of love that was lost. Strings that were torn. And life that puzzles.
Yes some questions. But some questions better left unanswered. Some words better left unspoken. Some times better stay lost. Some people better left unfound… till the end of time.

MY OWN

Is this really me?
Walking alone on the bed of the sea.
My footsteps aren’t safe today,
What if the waves betray me?
But that’s what they are for, aren’t they?
I walk alone and I am their prey.
But then there was a time,
When I hunted the prey I called mine.
When I too was a wave ready to kill.
When I was awaiting my hunt for my fill.
But I refuse that fate for me,
I say no to all who say it’s meant to be.
There was a hand that had kept me safe,
It’s lost to time in that dark lonely cave.
Only if I had one ray of light.
I would find my moon lost in the pitch dark night.
But some other hand has picked my moon I hear,
What I called mine says I belong to another.
I still tread on the waves with a slight shiver
But I shall be fine now, for I have found a healer.
It’s someone I hide from prying eyes.
It’s a virgin that stays hidden in broad daylight.
Its only mine forever and ever.
It stays in me to leave me never.
My secret whispers for some fresh air,
Trapped in me it says a little prayer.
It says I shall carry you through the waves and storm
I shall bring back all the lost calm.
Why so little faith in me?
I am you, in the mirror you shall find me.
I look at you as you look at me,
I am for you are, singing our symphony.